Lump of Coal for Christmas Funny
neil diamond........
Singer Neil Diamond started his career as Neil Coal, he changed his name when the pressure got to him.
Why did Hitler not mind being on the naughty list?
He needed more coal anyway.
Did you hear about the Power Plant that was bad for the environment all year?
He got coal for Christmas.
I don't understand why we give bad kids coal.
Isn't coal what minors want?
What do you call it when one piece of coal asks another piece of coal out to dinner?
Carbon dating.
When I was 18 I got Coal from Santa
Yup, raising Cole as a single mom was a punishment for being bad, I guess.
What do you call a lump of coal and a diamond hanging out together?
Carbon Dating.
Have you heard the one about the untouched coal pit?
Never mined.
I wrote a song about a coal digger having sex with a 15 year old.
I call it 'A Miner in a Minor' in A minor.
Why did the Cephalopod get coal for christmas?
Because he was on the nautilust.
What's the difference between a coal mining company and catholic priests?
A coal mining company puts miners in shafts.
You can explore coal xmas reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean coal chimneys dad jokes. There are also coal puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Some chick came to me and asked for a German method of coal extraction
Mein schaft she got!
Santa probably regrets giving coal
Santa Claus probably regrets giving coal to naughty children now that global warming is threatening his habitat.
Why are steam trains naughty around Christmas?
They're hoping Santa will give them a lump of coal.
Why couldn't the coal worker get into the movie?
He was a miner.
Two scientists are trying to find the best source of energy.
They realise that no one has tried asking the energy sources what *they* think.
So they go to a coal-fired power station, and they ask the coal, "What do you think of coal power?"
The coal says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists write this down.
Then they go to an oil-fired power station. They ask the oil, "What do you think of oil power?"
The oil says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists nod and write it down.
Then they go to a wind farm. They ask a wind turbine, "What do you think of wind power?"
The wind turbine just stands there and says, "I'm a huge fan."
A coal miner walks into a bar.
And the bartender says, We don't serve your kind here.
The coal miner snorts, You mean you don't serve 'minors'? Never heard that one before.
No, I mean we don't serve black people. '
One time there was an Irishman who got so drunk
He kissed his wife and beat the Pope's foot to a pulp with a coal shovel
So I wrote a Musical
It was about a tragic coal mining operation ,unfortunately, the cave collapsed and the workers inside were killed.
I decided to write it in A flat minor.
I opened a bar in the coal town of Gillette, WY.
Unfortunately, I was shut down for serving miners.
The news report was that an elevator for the coal shaft broke down, trapping 27 workers
But it was just a miner inconvenience
What did the bad rapper get for Christmas?
J Coal
I think that homeless children should get coal for Christmas...
We need to keep them warm enough to shovel our driveways!
The coal industry has been under a lot of pressure to change
In other news, the diamond industry continues to grow.
Coffee asked "Why do I always get coal in my stocking."
Santa: Because your on the Not Tea list.
Why do some snowmen have brown mouths?
Not everyone can afford coal.
I asked Santa for a new energy policy...
...but all I got in my stocking was a lump of coal. :-(
Why did the sloths vote to keep the coal mines open?
Because when it comes to energy they're conservative.
What do you call an insignificant underage coal digger?
A minor minor miner
My Uncle has a coal fetish.
Its why he likes to bang miners.
Only Coal Miners Will Get This
Black lung disease.
Trump could easily jumpstart the coal industry
He should put coal miners to work excavating his Christmas stocking
TIL why coal production has drastically slowed down within the past 10 years
It is believed the labor involved in this risky job was causing miner pain.
What's the difference between the President and a canary in a coal mine?
The President can still tweet.
My cousin thinks it's illegal to have sex with someone who digs for coal.
She says it's against the law to be with a miner.
Do you know how to confuse a coal miner?
Show him a row of shovels and tell him to take his pick.
I work across the street from a coal powerplant..
You could say they are a real ash hole.
Creating diamonds in a pressure cooker is awesome and it's really...
... pretty coal.
Why do the scouts always get coal from Santa?
Because they're all on the knotty list
America's new tax plan raises taxes on coal miners
Which is weird. I thought American politicians were rather fond of minors.
Santa comes to the White House....
Santa arrives at the White House and hands Donald Trump his Christmas present. Trump excitedly tears open his gift then looks up at Santa in shock. "What?", Santa exclaims. "I thought you LOVED coal.
What do German coal workers and gay men have in common?
They're always entering mein shaft.
If coal is so bad for the environment...
why don't we just burn it all?
Did you hear the one about the guy who hated coal?
Never mined.
Two nuns are in front of an abandoned coalmine.
(its better in dutch but it translates)
Two nuns are walking in front of an old (abandoned) coal mine.
One nun says to the other nun: mine's smelly today.
Says the other nun: mine too.
What chord do you make when you drop a grand piano down a coal shaft?
A flat minor.
I think someone is stealing coal from my coal mine
One day he'd sure be caught black handed
People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal.
But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.
Christmas in the USSR is as such:
good children get coal, bad children mine coal for next year
The blackest dad
3 kids were arguing to see who had the blackest dad.
The first kid says: "My dad is so black, when he pee, it comes out petroleum"
The second kid says: "That's nothing compared to my dad, he's so black that when he takes a dump, he poops coal"
The third kid laughs and say: "you think that's black? My dad's so black that when he farts, we stay a week in the dark"
What does someone with a history or violence who digs up coal, and an 11 year old who swears at you during online hames have in common?
They're both offensive minors.
Sorry about the temperature down the mine today
It's coal man
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."
"Until the pressure got to him."
When I Was A Child Santa Gave Me Coal One Year For Christmas, So I Poisoned His Cookies And Milk
Somehow he found out and killed my dad!
I have a now famous relative
I have a now famous relative named Neil Coal who works in music. Back in 2003 he was under pressure to release his first album.
You might know him as Niel Diamond.
Did you hear about the coal digger who was charged as a sexual deviant?
He was found in possession of miner clothing.
I scraped my elbow looking for coal
It was a miner injury.
Reddit rules say no jokes involving minors....
That's a shame cos I've got a great one about the coal mine I use to work in.
A gigantic gas explosion in a coal mine in the next town killed thirty workers and hospitalised two hundred. But I refused to give to the support charity.
After all, it was only *miner* injuries.
A walkie talkie invited a lump of coal to dinner and a movie.
Radio-carbon dating
I used to work at a coal mine
But I left because the bars didn't allow miners
The court jester decided to play a prank
So he got a bucket of coal dust from the blacksmith and rigged it over a doorway.
Soon enough Sir Lancelot walks up in his shiniest silver armor. He'd spent the entire morning polishing it to a mirror finish. As soon as he walks through the doorway, a trip wire dumps the bucket of coal dust over him turning his polished armor a dingy black. Needless to say he was storming mad, covered in filthy black dust.
It was a dark and stormy knight.
What do you call a country that is entirely made out of coal?
A carbonation!
I never realised how much my parents hated coal...
...until I told them I was dating a miner. They haven't spoken to me since.
I don't get it, she's perfect. Even a great gardener. But they didn't even care when I said she gave me her peas
Did you know that Neil Diamond used to be known as Neil Coal?
That was until the pressure got to him.
Did you know that Neal Diamond's birth name was Neal Coal?
It was the pressure that made him into the singer he became.
Source: https://jokojokes.com/coal-jokes.html
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